Well whaddayaknow, I missed my blog's birthday! AGAIN! *hehe*
So happy 2nd birthday blog! Thanks to you:
I have a place to give my thoughts a free rein in expression in word; at times wacky and unconventional, and at other times, serious and contemplative. Each post shows a different facet of me.
I harness both the art of speaking directly and couching underneath crafted phrases pregnant with meaning. Some prose is strangely moving - even I can't believe I could write that.
I use it once in a while to publicize friends' events and happenings: fourletterstory, joe loy and the warehouse project...
I can make money? (*heheh* Nuffnang can do with another one in the network. No boss, I'm not moonlighting.)
I try to allow people to see that in life there are different ways of looking at the same thing. The only thing that matters is whether we're viewing situations from the perspective of the Creator God and His purpose in allowing us to go through it.
... So thank you Livewire for providing me an avenue to be insane in order to preserve my sanity. My dad says that kids are at the "funnest" stage when they're 2 going on 3 (or somewhere there la) because they can play with you. I'm thinking - hmm, beyond that, they start asking A LOT OF QUESTIONS = frankly, quite irritating sometimes. Aikk, what will Livewire be in the next year? I don't know - but I hope you stick around to find out! Love to all!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Is it enough?
*SIGH*
It's tough when all the intensely-laid plans are turned awry with the flick decision of the last person. When no amount of pleading and begging would seem to shake that rock. When at the end of the day, the ultimate goal is not met - and our heads hang on the gullotine for it.
You know when a child loses a competition, adults tell the kid - "it's okay you did your best - that's all that matters."
I'm not a child anymore. Will you still tell me that same thing? It won't change the outcome, it's as if FAILURE in big capital letters do not count for anything, and at the end of the day, it's the OUTCOME that matters. When we're older we realize that some outcomes do not have momentary effects; they sometimes have long-term implications.
Maybe doing one's best is just not good enough. It still feels crappy that things didn't work out. In fact it makes you want to give up totally. Completely.
Maybe I just need a break. Wish I could take a time-unrestrained holiday. But then again it might work against me - I usually try to seek a glimmer of *something* in everyday than embark on major holidays to rejuvenate. Either way, I rarely get to totally relax.
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
It's tough when all the intensely-laid plans are turned awry with the flick decision of the last person. When no amount of pleading and begging would seem to shake that rock. When at the end of the day, the ultimate goal is not met - and our heads hang on the gullotine for it.
You know when a child loses a competition, adults tell the kid - "it's okay you did your best - that's all that matters."
I'm not a child anymore. Will you still tell me that same thing? It won't change the outcome, it's as if FAILURE in big capital letters do not count for anything, and at the end of the day, it's the OUTCOME that matters. When we're older we realize that some outcomes do not have momentary effects; they sometimes have long-term implications.
Maybe doing one's best is just not good enough. It still feels crappy that things didn't work out. In fact it makes you want to give up totally. Completely.
Maybe I just need a break. Wish I could take a time-unrestrained holiday. But then again it might work against me - I usually try to seek a glimmer of *something* in everyday than embark on major holidays to rejuvenate. Either way, I rarely get to totally relax.
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
All about being emo...
Pianist was tasked to play an introduction to one of the songs today. The youngsters taught me the melody. The chords were plonked in. And it became what I began to call the "emo intro" that still haunts me now - about 9 hours later.
Oh boy. Have I got a problem.
To me it sounded like it would do well as the background music to that heartbreaking scene in a Korean / Japanese drama where the girl has found some awful secret and confronts the guy she loves about it - and he has no idea what to do, and is staring at her, speechless... Or that scene where the guy who still loves her just turns and walks away in the pouring rain...
Thinking too much? Dramatizing? Maybe. But hey, dramatic is my blood. (It runs alongside those black gospel tendencies that show up in my vocals.)
I didn't realize I had the capacity to be this emo until a few years back. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, really - I do find that the most tragic, hauntingly, achingly-beautiful pieces of music, lyrics or poetry are produced when one is sufficiently deep in his state of emo-ness. Such works of art are genuine, in that the musician, lyricist or poet is baring his soul, allowing you a glimpse into whatever is in his heart to torment him.
"You think too much." That's what some people used to say to me. I don't understand. Isn't it worse to think less? I mean, at least I've got some brain activity, right?
Yet... I begin to wonder if musicians do have a certain capacity to delve deeper into that part of our hearts and minds that most people do not notice or are glad to ignore. We all go through heartbreak once in a while, but it's the lyricist that describes the pain so acutely and in so many ways that you can feel your own hurt surfacing when you hear those words. We may not understand that piece of music or that poetry, but when that flurry of notes or words hit you, they hit you. HARD.
Perhaps the result of some of us going through emo stages isn't so much about giving birth to the world's best song or poem. Perhaps the real reason of the being emo is really about helping people find their true states and give a voice for them to express that which they hide inside; something they fear to articulate, or just don't know how.
Perhaps, it is just a way to remind us of our humanity; that we are real people with the capacity to feel, to think, to hurt, and to love.
Be proud, all you emo people of the world. You serve humanity.
Oh boy. Have I got a problem.
To me it sounded like it would do well as the background music to that heartbreaking scene in a Korean / Japanese drama where the girl has found some awful secret and confronts the guy she loves about it - and he has no idea what to do, and is staring at her, speechless... Or that scene where the guy who still loves her just turns and walks away in the pouring rain...
Thinking too much? Dramatizing? Maybe. But hey, dramatic is my blood. (It runs alongside those black gospel tendencies that show up in my vocals.)
I didn't realize I had the capacity to be this emo until a few years back. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, really - I do find that the most tragic, hauntingly, achingly-beautiful pieces of music, lyrics or poetry are produced when one is sufficiently deep in his state of emo-ness. Such works of art are genuine, in that the musician, lyricist or poet is baring his soul, allowing you a glimpse into whatever is in his heart to torment him.
"You think too much." That's what some people used to say to me. I don't understand. Isn't it worse to think less? I mean, at least I've got some brain activity, right?
Yet... I begin to wonder if musicians do have a certain capacity to delve deeper into that part of our hearts and minds that most people do not notice or are glad to ignore. We all go through heartbreak once in a while, but it's the lyricist that describes the pain so acutely and in so many ways that you can feel your own hurt surfacing when you hear those words. We may not understand that piece of music or that poetry, but when that flurry of notes or words hit you, they hit you. HARD.
Perhaps the result of some of us going through emo stages isn't so much about giving birth to the world's best song or poem. Perhaps the real reason of the being emo is really about helping people find their true states and give a voice for them to express that which they hide inside; something they fear to articulate, or just don't know how.
Perhaps, it is just a way to remind us of our humanity; that we are real people with the capacity to feel, to think, to hurt, and to love.
Be proud, all you emo people of the world. You serve humanity.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday, November 14, 2008
Dr. Jekyll's Prayer
Lord, stop the bleed
When my heart is shattered
When my skin is cut trying to pick up the pieces
Past hurts, forgotten tears, bitter memories
All come flooding back, hurting me afresh.
God, stop the bleed
When everything is so unsure, and things don't go as planned
When fingers and daggers of torment tear at my flesh
When my blood gushes out and I want to stop it
But I don't know how.
Lord, stop the bleed
When I see failure in my own eyes
When nothing is perfect and it cuts me deep.
God, stop the bleed
When I'm weak and defeated
When my spirit is low, dejected
My soul seeping out of my veins with every ragged breath.
Lord, stop the bleed
For I fear that it may not
And everything I have known, touched and loved
Becomes no more.
When my heart is shattered
When my skin is cut trying to pick up the pieces
Past hurts, forgotten tears, bitter memories
All come flooding back, hurting me afresh.
God, stop the bleed
When everything is so unsure, and things don't go as planned
When fingers and daggers of torment tear at my flesh
When my blood gushes out and I want to stop it
But I don't know how.
Lord, stop the bleed
When I see failure in my own eyes
When nothing is perfect and it cuts me deep.
God, stop the bleed
When I'm weak and defeated
When my spirit is low, dejected
My soul seeping out of my veins with every ragged breath.
Lord, stop the bleed
For I fear that it may not
And everything I have known, touched and loved
Becomes no more.
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