Two incidents that jarred my week:
1) The needless assault and killing of an innocent 8-year-old when she ventured out alone to the nearby 'pasar malam' to buy her favourite hair clips;
2) An attempted road-robbery (and goodness knows what else) of a cell member's sister in broad daylight en route to a posh expatriate area on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
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Didn't we just celebrate our nation's 50th birthday recently? Weren't we hailing the past 50 years as GLORY DAYS that have led us to the proud advancement of our nation?
Do these incidents sound like PROGRESS to you?
They reek of the ultimate depths of DEPRAVITY of the human race. Specifically, those of OUR country; some of whom have been referred to as our "brothers and sisters." I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure I want to share the kinship.
Like many Malaysians, I cannot help but shake my head in bewilderment at well-publicized atrocities. Only after the horrifying death of a little girl did the other two similar cases come up. (Yes, there were others before this...)
... And yet, in the crevices of my mind, I wonder at the factors that led to this sorry state of affairs. I wonder what prompted the assailants to do what they did.
Breakdown of family units? Unacceptance by their social circles?
Past sexual abuse? Indulgence into unwholesome activities?
Lack of economic equality? (Invisible lines do run between "castes" within a race.)
Ineffectiveness of the law? Unseen hands manipulating our judiciary system - and seen hands that continue to uphold them?
The irrelevance of religion, and the lack of recognition and/or reverence for an Almighty God?
Sometimes, incidents in the past say as much of our future. I'll do anything to ensure that we don't read / hear about / witness these horrific things again in the next 50 years.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
All I have need of...
I'm calm. And it feels good to be so.
For all the emotional whirlwind and turmoil I've been through, tonight I am relatively calm and content. Amidst the warm glow my bedside lamp (which I got during a spontaneous shopping trip with two dear girlfriends - another memory to cherish), I am just basking in life.
True, I may not have it all - stunning looks, better car, significant other, money, ...and more money.
But what I do have, I cherish with all my heart; I'm thankful to God for showering me with His blessings... A supportive family to keep me grounded in the roots of their love... Great friends who walk (wade?) through life with me and help me unravel the problems I face... An exciting job that I love, and a great boss [=)] who has given me chance after chance to develop and hone my capabilities... A wonderful church that seeks to inspire, impact and influence others with the gospel of Christ.
Of COURSE things could be better. I'm rarely happy with anything. For long, anyway. (Sorry lah, perfectionist.)
But tonight I'm grateful for that and those that I do have; the lovely aspects of my life. Time alone, personal achievements, opportunities to bless and touch lives.
Thank You, Lord, for reminding me to be still in Your presence, and know that You are God. Thank You, Lord, for all that You are.
"All I have need of His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me..."
For all the emotional whirlwind and turmoil I've been through, tonight I am relatively calm and content. Amidst the warm glow my bedside lamp (which I got during a spontaneous shopping trip with two dear girlfriends - another memory to cherish), I am just basking in life.
True, I may not have it all - stunning looks, better car, significant other, money, ...and more money.
But what I do have, I cherish with all my heart; I'm thankful to God for showering me with His blessings... A supportive family to keep me grounded in the roots of their love... Great friends who walk (wade?) through life with me and help me unravel the problems I face... An exciting job that I love, and a great boss [=)] who has given me chance after chance to develop and hone my capabilities... A wonderful church that seeks to inspire, impact and influence others with the gospel of Christ.
Of COURSE things could be better. I'm rarely happy with anything. For long, anyway. (Sorry lah, perfectionist.)
But tonight I'm grateful for that and those that I do have; the lovely aspects of my life. Time alone, personal achievements, opportunities to bless and touch lives.
Thank You, Lord, for reminding me to be still in Your presence, and know that You are God. Thank You, Lord, for all that You are.
"All I have need of His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me..."
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Love me, hate me
And I'm speaking for myself.
I love the artsy side of me because I am then caught up in its waves of inspiration and enabled to produce verse and lyric of deep and meaningful emotions. I hate the artsy side of me because it plunges me deep into the depths of confusion and nothingness that I am helpless in getting out of. No real reason. Just feels that way.
The artsy side of me has surfaced again, and it has managed to confound me utterly and completely. I can't focus, I can't think straight, I reek of the eccentricity they love to label us musicians. I've managed to tip my internal balance and upset those around me, and I hate myself for doing that.
I feel as if my emotions are detached from my rationale mind. My brain says there's no rationale for this and it's time to snap out of it. My heart is silent, feeling the tinge of unexplained ache, wallowing in the deep ends of the murky seas.
It's feels much easier to be unfeeling, numb, devoid of any emotion. Wish I could. But what would I be giving up then?
I love the artsy side of me because I am then caught up in its waves of inspiration and enabled to produce verse and lyric of deep and meaningful emotions. I hate the artsy side of me because it plunges me deep into the depths of confusion and nothingness that I am helpless in getting out of. No real reason. Just feels that way.
The artsy side of me has surfaced again, and it has managed to confound me utterly and completely. I can't focus, I can't think straight, I reek of the eccentricity they love to label us musicians. I've managed to tip my internal balance and upset those around me, and I hate myself for doing that.
I feel as if my emotions are detached from my rationale mind. My brain says there's no rationale for this and it's time to snap out of it. My heart is silent, feeling the tinge of unexplained ache, wallowing in the deep ends of the murky seas.
It's feels much easier to be unfeeling, numb, devoid of any emotion. Wish I could. But what would I be giving up then?
Monday, September 17, 2007
Grow Up, Move On...
... This past weekend, amidst my relaxing chill-out sessions, I got into thinking about my future.
Really, REALLY thinking.
I guess there's nothing like a good dose of reality to hit you, so much so that it jolts your very being. And now I realize I gotta lay down some ground rules and lay the foundation right for the years ahead.
You see, I've been working in KL for 5 years, and I've had my fair share of fun. There are things I've not regretted being a part of, seen, and experienced. Even the things that were unfavourable taught me a lesson or two about myself, the people around me, or the society at large. And I've moved so many times - from my grandma's in Puchong to dad's rented place in Serdang then to the apartment in Ampang and now in PJ - and I'm not surprised if people can't keep track of me!!
... So this weekend I thought about what I want to do, at least for the next 5 years. Do I want to live my life slightly differently? (I am already, but it could always be improved.) Do I want to be slave to my circumstances, or get in the driver's seat to dictate how my life should be? Do I want to pursue the full breadth of my dreams: at work, in church, and more?
... The more I think about it, the more I know I owe it to myself to give me a fair chance of living a great life. And that means making very concrete decisions that will potentially and definitely alter my lifestyle dramatically for the better from now on.
For me, it has never been about status, or accumulation of wealth. I just want to live a peaceful life, and be able to make the best of the talents God has blessed me with, that I may bless the others around me.
Someone told me this week that I probably have what it takes to be successful in whatever I put my hand into, due to my nature. I guess I've been so bogged by the details (of everything right and wrong going on) that I forgot to take a step back to look at the big picture that is my life, and figure where I was going...
I am resolved to take that which is entrusted to me to build a solid foundation, and use them in one way or another to bless the people I come into contact with. I have plans, and in His time, I pray that He will bring them to pass according to His will.
... In 5 years' time, when it has been 10 years since I ventured into the "adult" working world, I hope I would be able to say that I have grown up, and moved on into God's beautiful agenda for my life. God willing. =)
Really, REALLY thinking.
I guess there's nothing like a good dose of reality to hit you, so much so that it jolts your very being. And now I realize I gotta lay down some ground rules and lay the foundation right for the years ahead.
You see, I've been working in KL for 5 years, and I've had my fair share of fun. There are things I've not regretted being a part of, seen, and experienced. Even the things that were unfavourable taught me a lesson or two about myself, the people around me, or the society at large. And I've moved so many times - from my grandma's in Puchong to dad's rented place in Serdang then to the apartment in Ampang and now in PJ - and I'm not surprised if people can't keep track of me!!
... So this weekend I thought about what I want to do, at least for the next 5 years. Do I want to live my life slightly differently? (I am already, but it could always be improved.) Do I want to be slave to my circumstances, or get in the driver's seat to dictate how my life should be? Do I want to pursue the full breadth of my dreams: at work, in church, and more?
... The more I think about it, the more I know I owe it to myself to give me a fair chance of living a great life. And that means making very concrete decisions that will potentially and definitely alter my lifestyle dramatically for the better from now on.
For me, it has never been about status, or accumulation of wealth. I just want to live a peaceful life, and be able to make the best of the talents God has blessed me with, that I may bless the others around me.
Someone told me this week that I probably have what it takes to be successful in whatever I put my hand into, due to my nature. I guess I've been so bogged by the details (of everything right and wrong going on) that I forgot to take a step back to look at the big picture that is my life, and figure where I was going...
I am resolved to take that which is entrusted to me to build a solid foundation, and use them in one way or another to bless the people I come into contact with. I have plans, and in His time, I pray that He will bring them to pass according to His will.
... In 5 years' time, when it has been 10 years since I ventured into the "adult" working world, I hope I would be able to say that I have grown up, and moved on into God's beautiful agenda for my life. God willing. =)
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Space, Solitude, Strength
I am a lover and respecter of space.
I demand space when the whirlwind that is city life prevents me from hearing my thoughts. I yearn for time alone when I need a break from all the stresses I face. And sometimes my whole being yells for breathable air when it feels choked, stifled, broken...
Uncle Soo Inn speaks of physical distance as 'very helpful for the journey of individuation.'* I concur. Being away from everyone has a way of making a person look inward and thoroughly examine one's principles, which would probably lead to better decisions. (Well, at least, to make decisions based on one's convictions - not a bad thing, is it?)
I imagine, that those who see me as a "greet-everybody bounce-off-the-walls" person may not be able to comprehend, that I am also not afraid to be alone, quiet, by myself. To me, such a time is precious... not labelled as loneliness, but solitude.
Free to think, free to write, free to express.
At home, during my solitude, I will sit at the piano, not knowing what I am going to play. Sometimes I take a few quiet moments... I will play only when I want to. And when I do, it usually is a mournful tune. I know not what the next chord and note will be, but when I play it, it feels right. Oftentime it will lead me to a wild crescendo, as if fully seizing the opportunity to convey the breadth and depth of whatever I'm feeling inside... Too soon, the song ends, and I catch my breath...
... When I have my space, I have my precious moments of solitude... and from those moments of solitude, I draw from within a deep sense of strength, to help me withstand life and move on.
*Grace at Work, "Sons and Fathers", Feb 2007.
I demand space when the whirlwind that is city life prevents me from hearing my thoughts. I yearn for time alone when I need a break from all the stresses I face. And sometimes my whole being yells for breathable air when it feels choked, stifled, broken...
Uncle Soo Inn speaks of physical distance as 'very helpful for the journey of individuation.'* I concur. Being away from everyone has a way of making a person look inward and thoroughly examine one's principles, which would probably lead to better decisions. (Well, at least, to make decisions based on one's convictions - not a bad thing, is it?)
I imagine, that those who see me as a "greet-everybody bounce-off-the-walls" person may not be able to comprehend, that I am also not afraid to be alone, quiet, by myself. To me, such a time is precious... not labelled as loneliness, but solitude.
Free to think, free to write, free to express.
At home, during my solitude, I will sit at the piano, not knowing what I am going to play. Sometimes I take a few quiet moments... I will play only when I want to. And when I do, it usually is a mournful tune. I know not what the next chord and note will be, but when I play it, it feels right. Oftentime it will lead me to a wild crescendo, as if fully seizing the opportunity to convey the breadth and depth of whatever I'm feeling inside... Too soon, the song ends, and I catch my breath...
... When I have my space, I have my precious moments of solitude... and from those moments of solitude, I draw from within a deep sense of strength, to help me withstand life and move on.
*Grace at Work, "Sons and Fathers", Feb 2007.
Monday, September 10, 2007
drops on gerbera
it is painful to gaze on a hurting beloved
more piercing to feel the cold in your own heart
beneath the icy chill there seems to be no glimmer of warmth
they who think they deserve it receive no sympathy
they who do nothing to deserve it treasure it more
outward always the beautiful petals
only the one close enough sees
beneath the opening flower there's a steady stalk
and then the drops betray
the true self it tries to portray
such is the irony
but when the morning comes the drops vanish
leaving only the beautiful flower
to survive yet another day
more piercing to feel the cold in your own heart
beneath the icy chill there seems to be no glimmer of warmth
they who think they deserve it receive no sympathy
they who do nothing to deserve it treasure it more
outward always the beautiful petals
only the one close enough sees
beneath the opening flower there's a steady stalk
and then the drops betray
the true self it tries to portray
such is the irony
but when the morning comes the drops vanish
leaving only the beautiful flower
to survive yet another day
p.s.: If you think you know... you don't. These cryptic verse is here to confuse and confound. Nevertheless, only one...
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