Who me? Who you?

Our cell group ice-breaker last night was a "Chicken Soup for The Soul" kind. We each had a piece of paper with our names written on it, and passed the papers around where we wrote or drew something that describes the person.

It was interesting that "bubbly" appeared on quite a few people's names. No wonder we have so much fun - we're walking champagne bottles!! Or Sparkling Ribenas!!!

"Dedicated" and "responsible" were other popular entries, along with "generous / giving" (even "feeds me").... then there were "warm", "sweet" "loving", "gentle" attributes. Yeah, we have a caring community right here. *smiles* Slightly weirder entries included "filial", and "perfectionist"...

I think after we passed the papers around, we all had this warm-all-over feeling, like someone just covered you in a cozy blanket. Some of us were a tad surprised at how we were described, like we weren't sure whether it was a good thing or bad; but as a whole, it was positive affirmation of who we were, a bit more insight on how people viewed us.

After everybody had read out their descriptions, there was this short discussion about death (!!!).... Someone mused: "Won't it be nice to have all this read out at my funeral???" and amidst the laughter that ensued, I think there was a tiny thought in our heads that whispered, "Yeah."

... We all have our imperfections, and painfully aware of our inadequacies at times. It is not very often that we are affirmed for we are, and remembered for the little and big things that have positively impacted other people. It's true what William Arthur Ward said, "Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it away."

Thank you, cafe@subang, for the gift of your friendship. **GROUP HUG!!!!**

Not one day

Have you ever wished you could undo some things in your life? Like, perhaps, not said a few things, not embarked on a journey, not beheld some gruesome scenes, including the slicing of your own heart?

Sometimes we think that we're all the better for NOT going through certain experiences; that life would be better if we could only smile all the time and eliminate the hurts. Sometimes we figure, "If only I could've peeked into the future and predicted this pain, so I wouldn't have started it in the first place, no matter how beautiful it seems now."

Oh how flawed this thinking is. (Oh no, speaka like Yoda I am. But continue writing I will.)

Had I not gone through a tremendously stressful stint under my previous employer, I would not have learnt how to manage multiple clients - a skill put to good use in my present employment. I would not be able to fully appreciate the value of commitment, teamwork and visionary management, the way I do today.

Had I not made a few mistakes in my relationships, I would not be attentive to the little and large issues that could crop up at a later stage and potentially cause us to stumble. I would not believe that setting him free to love another is sometimes the truest evidence of affection, of wanting nothing but the best for him. *smiles*

Had I not left my family and tasted a sliver of this city life, I would not fully appreciate the joy, security and comfort that is home... Taking pleasure in the simple things, like mum's home-cooked food, dad's easy banter, Jan's infectious laughter; like running my fingers on my piano; like reading and falling asleep on the couch - just because I could.

... The Bible tells us God saw all our days before He allowed one of them to come to pass. It also says that He works for our good in all things. Therefore, He allowed EVERYTHING to happen to us, that we may live and learn.

It's a hard lesson, Lord, but okay. You love us and You see us through the seasons, so it's okay.

If I could relive 2006, I wouldn't change a thing. Not one day.

It's a musician thing

This weekend I had the privilege of watching a bunch of the most totally-gifted jazz musicians in town.

No, I'm not a raving fan who dishes out compliments freely...(my closest friends will divulge that I've got high standards, and I don't flatter)... But honestly, seeing these people do their stuff in Bangkok Jazz was like... whoa. Legendary. I kid you not.

What struck me most about the gig, though, was more than the wonderfully-complicated jazz notes throughout the night, or the high level of skill these musicians had. The thing that truly amazed me was the pure intimacy these musicians shared... with their instruments, and with each other.

There was something about the way they stood on stage; eyes closed, faces looking upward, feet tapping, bodies swaying to the rhythm... It was as if they were connected, somehow, to the instruments they were playing. In that instant, you knew that they were lost in their music, that they derived much pleasure in creating the beautiful sounds coaxed from their instruments... and that there was no other place they wanted to be at that time.

Then there was band dynamics. The gig was a reunion of sorts, having come together after many years. And the strong bonds of friendship were evident. They were smilin' a lot, chuckling when certain missteps were inadvertently produced, and having mutual respect for each other's talent, particularly during the superbly-fantastic drool-worthy solos. They had fun. And we had fun watching them have fun.

I came away, moved from what I had seen. The intimacy and closeness they shared was almost palpable. That night, I saw the clear beauty of a person's creative expression, and the sheer power of music in uniting people.

Watching them onstage made me miss that feeling. Of losing myself in the music, of playing what I feel (not as I ought), expressing through my music what words cannot fully articulate. It's an amazing experience, one where I sometimes am subdued to awed silence, and feel an immense state of satisfaction.

It's a musician thing. Oh yeah.

What's it REALLY about?

It's not about how soft my hands are, but how they can render help, give a soothing touch.

Not about how big my eyes are, but whether they choose to see the needs of others.

Not about the size of my feet, but if they are swift enough to be beside those who need someone to be with them.

Not about the chubbiness of my arms, but whether they are willing to give a hug to one who needs it.

It's not about how pouty my lips can be, but whether they choose to speak words of encouragement, share words of comfort, and evermore proclaim the wonderful works of my Master.

I distinctly remember that at 10 years old, I told God that I'd rather have inner beauty than to be physically pretty. I'm not sure why I was so convicted then (!) ... but I certainly do know that I still hold fast to that belief now. Outer beauty is fleeting, but inner beauty radiates, and shows the true value, the most beautiful character, of a person.

As we enter the new year, I hope that I'll use all I have and all I am to touch the lives of others, bring a smile to their faces, and a glow to their hearts. And I pray that God's name may be glorified. That's what it's all about.

The Teary Year

"If you think back and replay your year, and it doesn't bring you tears, either of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted."
-- John Cage, the weird lawyer in Ally McBeal who thinks he's Barry White.

(May I urge you to read the quote again, slowly? Go on. The rest of this post ain't goin' anywhere.)

Me and my best bud from high school have this tradition of sharing this quote to each other every year. Strange isn't it, that the quote, and this post, speak of crying, when I always want to be strong. But I guess, tears are a part of me (I'm woman). And part of life.

... The tears oftentime welled up in my eyes in 2006. They rolled down my cheeks when I had to break a heart, and when my own heart was broken. They made their presence felt when I felt pierced by hurtful words, careless gestures, flippant comments. Some were shed in public, while others - the ones masking the deepest pain - were confined to nooks and crannies where I hid.

... Then there were happy tears too. Like when two of my dearest friends sang so well during cdpc's 6th anniversary celebration (and did the "3-note blessed" wonderfully!). When I received forgiveness from a person I had wounded deeply. When I was touched by the prayers of others - be they in person, via chats, or thru smses... And when someone gave me a beautiful gift that I knew had been chosen especially for me.

I have said it before, and I will say it again. I have been blessed. I have been blessed. God has been good to me, been faithful to me despite my wayward ways, my mean streaks, my deliberate stubbornness. And my happiest tears have been when I realize afresh that He has NEVER left me alone, that He is ALWAYS beside me, and that He has NEVER EVER stopped loving me, forgiving me when I came to Him.

Thank You, God.

For Your love unfailing, for Your joy unfading, for Your blessings to the overflowing. For watching over me and my loved ones, for not forsaking me, for being my source of strength, inspiration, and comfort.

Thank You for this year, and for the joys and sorrows of each day. Thank You for the people You have brought into my life, and for lives You've allowed me to touch. Thank You for the unending love and support of my family, and how being at home is such a balm to me. Thank You too for cdpc, for the joy of serving You and expressing my worship to You. Thank You for the countless other blessings I'm unable to list here! (*hehe*) ...

Please guide our steps for the coming year, Lord. I cannot go through each day without You. Keep us close to Your side, we pray...

In Jesus' name, Amen.

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I don't know about tomorrow. I just live from day to day. I don't borrow from its sunshine, for its skies may turn to grey. I don't worry o'er the future for I know what Jesus said. And today I'll walk beside Him, for He knows what is ahead...

I don't know about tomorrow. It may bring me poverty. But the One who holds the sparrow is the One who stands by me... And the path that is my portion may be through the flame or flood... But His presence goes before me, and I'm covered in His blood.

Many things about tomorrow, I don't claim to understand.
But I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand.
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