Do our young people have to do that?

Pix like these remind me that I should be grateful I've a job.

Renew

To restore, to make new again, to refresh.

To impart new life and vigor.

To recreate, to rebuild.

The month of May flew past at such a burst of speed that astounded even me. I mean, like, I've practically felt that my body's been playing catch up since 2010 began - I should be used to the 'timing difference' by now, no?

Apparently not. I jotted 'April' at the top of my notes the other day, when 'real time' is 2 months after.

And I find myself making grammatical mistakes in speech and writing - it's somewhat surprising, though at least I take comfort in the fact that I am conscious that a mistake's been made. But still!!

Should you ask, though, if I'm unhappy, I'd probably say no. Keeping pace at work and all of life's "grown-up" issues have just consumed me, that's all. I feel like I'm at "testing" phase, for the a study on "how much she can endure in life."

... Which means that having an hour and a half to read and nap on a Sunday afternoon is such a welcome luxury that I'm so so grateful for. The very thought of downtime is refreshing. Not too long, that I feel bored; just right a time slot to call mine.

I guess God made us such that amidst the frenetic pace, we need to take a step back and take stock, lie down and rejuvenate. It's called balance. It gives us opportunity to thank Him, and savour what He has placed in our lives to enjoy - nature, rest, friendship.

I'm grateful, God. "Thank You" isn't half sufficient to express my gratitude. Your wisdom is matchless, Your grace so abounding.

I'm ready to face that which You have placed for this week. With Your help, and Your mighty right hand, I will rise.

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Love so amazing...

How I have come this far, I have no idea. I only know the bits and pieces...

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"Fly high," urged a friend, many years ago. I told him to keep me grounded. In a way I think I still am, yet I'm moving forward at the same time.

"What's my heartsong, Lord?" I asked, as I drove on the MRR2. Thank God for the distance between SS15 and Pandan Mewah, which allowed ample time for the song to fall onto my lap.

"Can I give you a line?" wrote Phylli in my YM chatbox. "Pegang hatiku di tanganMu." Hold my heart in Your hand.

"Bila..." echoed Patrick, at our voice audition in DUMC. And a year later, "Could I include your song in Elohim?"

"...And by the way, I believe God might give you a special honour to worship sing/lead for Him before many thousands Christians next year..." wrote Pastor Caleb in an email. (insert raised eyebrows)

"Hi, I'm Pastor Alvin from Subang. Next year on May 23rd we'll have the Malaysian chapter of the Global Day of Prayer..." in a phone call received on a weekday.

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Only God sees and understands the depth of my gratitude, that He still chooses to use an imperfect and broken vessel to do His work, to be a blessing, to demonstrate His glory to His people. Only God could see my deepest, darkest secrets, and still consider me worthy to be a recipient of His incomparable grace and matchless love.

Words are beyond me, God. All I can say is thank You, from the bottom of my heart.

Setiap detik, demi namaMu.

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"She Believes In Me"

That's the song that's playing in the background as I type this.

There's just something about this song that has a hold on me.

"She believes in me

I'll never know just what she sees in me

I told her someday if she was my girl

I could change the world with my little song

But I was wrong

But she has faith in me

And so I'll go on trying faithfully

And maybe someday on some special night if my song is right

I can find the way... while she waits."

(She Believes In Me, Kenny Rogers)

... The fairytale of a love so deep, that it is willing to conquer all things, withstand all storms, stand strong through the test of time.

...The realization that there ARE things we can do to inspire another person in ways we could never imagine. To be by their side in encouragement to aim higher, and reach for their dreams. To celebrate ALL achievements big and small but no less significant.

...The dim recollection of what it was like, years ago, to have a sunny disposition and positive outlook, because negativity never helped. Discovering that it has been replaced by a large dose of skepticism...

I know not the exact nature of my innermost thoughts, the exact description of all the swirling stuff going on. All I know is that a part of me has become unbalanced, unhinged, dislodged.

I guess, I'll just take it one step at a time.

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Dear God, I struggle...

... with the daily burdens I bear, knowing that each day arrives with its daily bag of tricks and more to test the limits of my physical and emotional endurance.

... with the fatigue that I experience every night, and every morning.

... with the helplessness inside when I feel like I've no grip on my life.

... with the sadness that envelopes me when I see a dear friend in pain - and I'm powerless to do anything about it.

... with the obligations of work, family and ministry; and finding the time *and strength* to give my best in all three.

... with the mad desire to run away and disappear.

... with the gap in what people say and what I want.

... with the big decisions I face, not knowing whether I'm doing right, and yet realizing that I've gotta take a leap of faith somewhere.

... with my imperfections; the little things that irritate me as much as they irritate those next to me.

... with the urge to run to the nearest piano and express through the music what these words can't.

... worrying about what people will think of me if I were to run to the nearest piano and express through the music what these words can't.

... with the balance of letting You take care of it and not caring for it at all.

In all my doubts

In all my struggles

You are above all these.

In every tear

In every cry

You are attentive to all these.

In moments of silence

In moments of grief

You understand all these.

Above all else - my Father,

My Saviour, My Friend,

You are to me all these.

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