"If you think back and replay your year, and it doesn't bring you tears, either of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted."
-- John Cage, the weird lawyer in Ally McBeal who thinks he's Barry White.
(May I urge you to read the quote again, slowly? Go on. The rest of this post ain't goin' anywhere.)
Me and my best bud from high school have this tradition of sharing this quote to each other every year. Strange isn't it, that the quote, and this post, speak of crying, when I always want to be strong. But I guess, tears are a part of me (I'm woman). And part of life.
... The tears oftentime welled up in my eyes in 2006. They rolled down my cheeks when I had to break a heart, and when my own heart was broken. They made their presence felt when I felt pierced by hurtful words, careless gestures, flippant comments. Some were shed in public, while others - the ones masking the deepest pain - were confined to nooks and crannies where I hid.
... Then there were happy tears too. Like when two of my dearest friends sang so well during cdpc's 6th anniversary celebration (and did the "3-note blessed" wonderfully!). When I received forgiveness from a person I had wounded deeply. When I was touched by the prayers of others - be they in person, via chats, or thru smses... And when someone gave me a beautiful gift that I knew had been chosen especially for me.
I have said it before, and I will say it again. I have been blessed. I have been blessed. God has been good to me, been faithful to me despite my wayward ways, my mean streaks, my deliberate stubbornness. And my happiest tears have been when I realize afresh that He has NEVER left me alone, that He is ALWAYS beside me, and that He has NEVER EVER stopped loving me, forgiving me when I came to Him.
Thank You, God.
For Your love unfailing, for Your joy unfading, for Your blessings to the overflowing. For watching over me and my loved ones, for not forsaking me, for being my source of strength, inspiration, and comfort.
Thank You for this year, and for the joys and sorrows of each day. Thank You for the people You have brought into my life, and for lives You've allowed me to touch. Thank You for the unending love and support of my family, and how being at home is such a balm to me. Thank You too for cdpc, for the joy of serving You and expressing my worship to You. Thank You for the countless other blessings I'm unable to list here! (*hehe*) ...
Please guide our steps for the coming year, Lord. I cannot go through each day without You. Keep us close to Your side, we pray...
In Jesus' name, Amen.
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I don't know about tomorrow. I just live from day to day. I don't borrow from its sunshine, for its skies may turn to grey. I don't worry o'er the future for I know what Jesus said. And today I'll walk beside Him, for He knows what is ahead...
I don't know about tomorrow. It may bring me poverty. But the One who holds the sparrow is the One who stands by me... And the path that is my portion may be through the flame or flood... But His presence goes before me, and I'm covered in His blood.
Many things about tomorrow, I don't claim to understand.
But I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand.
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Friday, December 29, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
The most wonderful time of the year...
- Christmas: 25th December
- New Year: 1st January
These celebrations are only about a week apart.
Both celebrations bring hope for a new beginning.
Every new year brings with it a "out with the old, in with the new" kind of feeling. Last year's mistakes are forgotten and (hopefully) forgiven, and we all agree to start afresh.
Thing is, human forgiveness is so temporal somehow... more emotionally-driven. We may forgive today... and conveniently forget about it the next day, and it all comes back again, and there you go, one big roller-coaster...
God knew we needed forgiveness from the very start. Not the "now-I-feel-it-now-I-don't" type. Much rather, the "ONCE AND FOR ALL" kind. Something supernatural and of divine nature.
So He sent His Son Jesus Christ.
Jesus' birth was the beginning of God's plan to save mankind from its own sin and wretchedness. By believing in Him - first in His birth and then His death on the cross, we have hope for a new life... here on earth, and eternally with our Heavenly Father. That's why we celebrate Christmas with so much joy... so much gratitude.
Thank You, God, for the very first Christmas; for every Christmas.
Thank You, God, for hope everlasting in You.
To You be all power, honour, and glory, forever and ever.
Amen.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Where are You, Lord?
"... There may be times when you and I can't feel the love of God. But there need never be a time when we doubt it. We need only look to Calvary, and remember why Jesus died."
~ Lawrence O.Richards~
~ Lawrence O.Richards~
In fact, love is the very reason Jesus was born in the first place.
Funny how my own song is speaking to me and making me cry.
"Bila ku tak berdaya lagi rempuh hidup ini... Tuhan, Kau yang sedia berkati."
In my weakness, You are made strong, my God.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
A part of me died....
... It feels that way, at least.
Now, before you start asking funny questions, I'd better tell you the whole story.
This morning my phone drowned in a mug of water beside my bed.
The phone slipped through my (butter)fingers as I picked it up. It then proceeded to drop - quite neatly - into the mug of water with a soft *splosh*. It took me only a micro-second for the realisation to hit me... I frantically got the phone out, and dried it as best i could with my towel.... but to no avail. By then, I could see the phone screen go all deathly-white (I kid you not), with water creeping all across it... the word "nokia" fading, fading, fading....
In that instant, all I could think about was: "What do I have in that phone that is precious to me?" ... Answer: A lot.
I can hear the comments now: "C'mon gurl, it's only a phone, a material thing that is replaceable."... Nope. To me it ain't.
It's not so much the phone numbers - I think a lot of them are stored in my sim card anyway. It's more of the other stuff that my swankier phone allowed me to have... Like pictures taken that can never be replaced, capturing moments that would possibly never be recreated again, and now can only be stored and relived in the crevices of my mind. Like smses (a few hundred in my inbox alone) conveying to me precious thoughts and words of encouragement from family and friends, both near and far. And songs that had soothed me time and again; been the balm to my swirling emotions.
Those who know me well also know that I am terribly phone-bound. Can't go anywhere without it. It's my lifeline to my network of friends, family, even clients. Come to think of it, I can live without the Internet for days, but not my phone. So losing it in such a careless, flippant manner is just... plain... stupid.
*sigh* So now how?
At this point in time, my phone is in the clinic, and I should be able to get it back in about a week or two. Meanwhile I'm relying on my old faithful to enable me call and sms. So far it's alright.
At the back of my mind, I wonder (read: overanalyse) why this happened. Was it time for me to let go of memories I held dear? Was it to force me to realise the reality of TODAY rather than dwell on the past? Or, hah, was it to teach me to finish drinking my mug of water every night before I went to bed?
I don't know. I just don't know. Memories can't be erased this easily. Some pictures will always be in my head, and heart. But I guess it is the first step... To what, I'm not sure.
Now, before you start asking funny questions, I'd better tell you the whole story.
This morning my phone drowned in a mug of water beside my bed.
The phone slipped through my (butter)fingers as I picked it up. It then proceeded to drop - quite neatly - into the mug of water with a soft *splosh*. It took me only a micro-second for the realisation to hit me... I frantically got the phone out, and dried it as best i could with my towel.... but to no avail. By then, I could see the phone screen go all deathly-white (I kid you not), with water creeping all across it... the word "nokia" fading, fading, fading....
In that instant, all I could think about was: "What do I have in that phone that is precious to me?" ... Answer: A lot.
I can hear the comments now: "C'mon gurl, it's only a phone, a material thing that is replaceable."... Nope. To me it ain't.
It's not so much the phone numbers - I think a lot of them are stored in my sim card anyway. It's more of the other stuff that my swankier phone allowed me to have... Like pictures taken that can never be replaced, capturing moments that would possibly never be recreated again, and now can only be stored and relived in the crevices of my mind. Like smses (a few hundred in my inbox alone) conveying to me precious thoughts and words of encouragement from family and friends, both near and far. And songs that had soothed me time and again; been the balm to my swirling emotions.
Those who know me well also know that I am terribly phone-bound. Can't go anywhere without it. It's my lifeline to my network of friends, family, even clients. Come to think of it, I can live without the Internet for days, but not my phone. So losing it in such a careless, flippant manner is just... plain... stupid.
*sigh* So now how?
At this point in time, my phone is in the clinic, and I should be able to get it back in about a week or two. Meanwhile I'm relying on my old faithful to enable me call and sms. So far it's alright.
At the back of my mind, I wonder (read: overanalyse) why this happened. Was it time for me to let go of memories I held dear? Was it to force me to realise the reality of TODAY rather than dwell on the past? Or, hah, was it to teach me to finish drinking my mug of water every night before I went to bed?
I don't know. I just don't know. Memories can't be erased this easily. Some pictures will always be in my head, and heart. But I guess it is the first step... To what, I'm not sure.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
1% Inspiration, 99% Perspiration...
A bunch of us opted to attend a songwriting workshop last Saturday. As preparation, we were to write approximately 2 songs per person. No sweat, we figured. We write stuff everyday, (it's also a major part of my job), so 2 songs should be like eating slices of secret recipe banana chocolate. Just structure them (the words, not cake slices) into song formats and voila~!
There was just one teeny-weeny problem. I needed inspiration.
Found none. For days. Mind was either blank, too exhausted, or simply undecided on which message to convey. Yet I couldn't write for the sake of writing... My whole being just would not allow it.
Days passed. Fellow songwriters shared their jubilation when they completed one, then 2 songs. I was quite impressed, and really liked their ideas. And felt layer after layer of pressure mounting on my heart, clouding my brain. "Where's your song, Jules? What is your heartsong?"
... Slowly, surely, somewhat surprisingly, they began to emerge from the shadows.
The first kinda 'dropped in' while I was driving back to my condo after our first "share-a-song" session. The result? "Bila," - lyrics in the post just before this. I myself was a little incredulous when the words came tumbling out in Malay. "Lagu Melayu? Biar betul!" ... But it worked. It was my heart's cry. I knew it had to start off sounding melancholic, then build up in pitch and volume as a declaration of praise. Friends have even suggested their preferred Malay singers to sing this one. Haha, don't I wish. *small smile* So, one down. *pat pat*
... After that, dry. Alamak. How ah? *panic panic*
Friday, (day before workshop), 3 p.m. I was running about in the office when a line popped in my head: "I'm unworthy to be in Your presence, Lord." It stopped me short. I HAD to write it down. In the midst of my business I think I could only come up with 4 lines, and an incomplete chorus. I had no idea what the song should sound like, and so was quite prepared to shelve this one for another time.
Little did I know that 12 hours later, at 3 a.m., in Hotel Shalom-YY, "Unworthy" would be a complete, moderately-fast number. I have to credit WLern and fellow witnesses Sarah, Phylli and WLee for this one! Not forgetting our gracious hosts for creating a cosy and conducive environment!! *big grins and mad applause all around!!*
So there you go, 2 songs done in time for the workshop. *phew*
Ps Wah Lok was right. It's more perspiration than inspiration. God just needs to touch you, just once - *plink* - and then the rest is a labour of love.
But, oh, what joyful trouble indeed.
There was just one teeny-weeny problem. I needed inspiration.
Found none. For days. Mind was either blank, too exhausted, or simply undecided on which message to convey. Yet I couldn't write for the sake of writing... My whole being just would not allow it.
Days passed. Fellow songwriters shared their jubilation when they completed one, then 2 songs. I was quite impressed, and really liked their ideas. And felt layer after layer of pressure mounting on my heart, clouding my brain. "Where's your song, Jules? What is your heartsong?"
... Slowly, surely, somewhat surprisingly, they began to emerge from the shadows.
The first kinda 'dropped in' while I was driving back to my condo after our first "share-a-song" session. The result? "Bila," - lyrics in the post just before this. I myself was a little incredulous when the words came tumbling out in Malay. "Lagu Melayu? Biar betul!" ... But it worked. It was my heart's cry. I knew it had to start off sounding melancholic, then build up in pitch and volume as a declaration of praise. Friends have even suggested their preferred Malay singers to sing this one. Haha, don't I wish. *small smile* So, one down. *pat pat*
... After that, dry. Alamak. How ah? *panic panic*
Friday, (day before workshop), 3 p.m. I was running about in the office when a line popped in my head: "I'm unworthy to be in Your presence, Lord." It stopped me short. I HAD to write it down. In the midst of my business I think I could only come up with 4 lines, and an incomplete chorus. I had no idea what the song should sound like, and so was quite prepared to shelve this one for another time.
Little did I know that 12 hours later, at 3 a.m., in Hotel Shalom-YY, "Unworthy" would be a complete, moderately-fast number. I have to credit WLern and fellow witnesses Sarah, Phylli and WLee for this one! Not forgetting our gracious hosts for creating a cosy and conducive environment!! *big grins and mad applause all around!!*
So there you go, 2 songs done in time for the workshop. *phew*
Ps Wah Lok was right. It's more perspiration than inspiration. God just needs to touch you, just once - *plink* - and then the rest is a labour of love.
But, oh, what joyful trouble indeed.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Bila...
Bila… aku seorang diri
Ku pilu di hati
Engkau yang muncul di sisi
Bila… ku tak berdaya lagi
Rempuh hidup ini
Tuhan, Kau yang sedia berkati
Biarpun aku lemah
Kau tetap berkuasa
Kau sayangi diri ini
Kasih tak terhingga
Ku sembahMu Tuhan Yesus
Ku puji namaMu
Kerna tiada yang sepertiMu
Tuhan peganglah hati ini
Di tapak tanganMu
Hidupku hanya... untukMu
Bila… ku berasa gementar
Akan masa depan
Tuhan, Kau yang meyakinkan
Bila… mataku hanya sedar
Kan serba halangan
Tuhan, Kau berikan kemenangan
Biarpun ombak melanda
Ku tetap pandang
Kepada Yang Maha Esa
Penyayang jiwa
Ku sembahMu Tuhan Yesus
Ku puji namaMu
Kerna tiada yang sepertiMu
Tuhan peganglah hati ini
Di tapak tanganMu
Hidupku hanya... untukMu
English translation:
When I am alone and sad in my heart, You appear by my side
When I have not the strength to go through this life,
God You are ready to bless
Even though I am weak, You are still strong
You love me with an unending love
I worship You Lord Jesus, I praise Your name, For there is none like You
Dear God, hold my heart in the palm of Your hand... My life is only for You
When I worry about the future, God, You grant me confidence
When my eyes can only see the obstacles, God, grant me victory
Even when the waves crash over me,
I will keep my eyes on The Almighty One, the Lover of my soul
Ku pilu di hati
Engkau yang muncul di sisi
Bila… ku tak berdaya lagi
Rempuh hidup ini
Tuhan, Kau yang sedia berkati
Biarpun aku lemah
Kau tetap berkuasa
Kau sayangi diri ini
Kasih tak terhingga
Ku sembahMu Tuhan Yesus
Ku puji namaMu
Kerna tiada yang sepertiMu
Tuhan peganglah hati ini
Di tapak tanganMu
Hidupku hanya... untukMu
Bila… ku berasa gementar
Akan masa depan
Tuhan, Kau yang meyakinkan
Bila… mataku hanya sedar
Kan serba halangan
Tuhan, Kau berikan kemenangan
Biarpun ombak melanda
Ku tetap pandang
Kepada Yang Maha Esa
Penyayang jiwa
Ku sembahMu Tuhan Yesus
Ku puji namaMu
Kerna tiada yang sepertiMu
Tuhan peganglah hati ini
Di tapak tanganMu
Hidupku hanya... untukMu
English translation:
When I am alone and sad in my heart, You appear by my side
When I have not the strength to go through this life,
God You are ready to bless
Even though I am weak, You are still strong
You love me with an unending love
I worship You Lord Jesus, I praise Your name, For there is none like You
Dear God, hold my heart in the palm of Your hand... My life is only for You
When I worry about the future, God, You grant me confidence
When my eyes can only see the obstacles, God, grant me victory
Even when the waves crash over me,
I will keep my eyes on The Almighty One, the Lover of my soul
Saturday, November 11, 2006
I Care
I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here
- Part of Steven Curtis Chapman's "I Will Be Here" -
I believe friendships are tested in 3 ways: time, distance and differences.
I may not be there to care for you all the time, but you can bet I will try my best, whichever way I can. Peer into my heart and know that I want nothing but the best for you, whether or not I am part of the picture.
I'm here. Just wanted you to know that.
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here
- Part of Steven Curtis Chapman's "I Will Be Here" -
I believe friendships are tested in 3 ways: time, distance and differences.
I may not be there to care for you all the time, but you can bet I will try my best, whichever way I can. Peer into my heart and know that I want nothing but the best for you, whether or not I am part of the picture.
I'm here. Just wanted you to know that.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Saturday, November 04, 2006
What am i THINKING????
Well. I've finally succumbed to the blogging fad. Will it last? One way to find out. And why LiveWire, you may ask? Here's a definition, from the kind folks at dictionary.com:
1) A wire carrying electric current.
2) A vivacious, alert, or energetic person.
(If you're still asking why, .... you obviously don't know me very well~!)
... But i guess the blogname is something that i try to be, most of the time. Be warned though, I sometimes display traces of the other extreme... a different kind of energy that has the potential to be destructive, if i am not careful. Of course I will try very very hard to be sane, at least when i'm posting stuff here!! :)
Bear with me.... And here we go on this journey~!! Whee~!!
1) A wire carrying electric current.
2) A vivacious, alert, or energetic person.
(If you're still asking why, .... you obviously don't know me very well~!)
... But i guess the blogname is something that i try to be, most of the time. Be warned though, I sometimes display traces of the other extreme... a different kind of energy that has the potential to be destructive, if i am not careful. Of course I will try very very hard to be sane, at least when i'm posting stuff here!! :)
Bear with me.... And here we go on this journey~!! Whee~!!
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