Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Begging, Bargaining, Pleading

... for an ounce of faith, the size of a mustard seed, so that I will believe in Your promises made available through Your word.

... for You to intervene, according to Your nature: God of mercy, God of grace, God of love. The Jehovah Jireh - provider of immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. The Jehovah Rapha - the God who heals. The Jehovah Shamma - the manifest God, present with us to the very end of age.

... for You to be my strength; to be the One I cling on to when my faith threatens to be badly shaken... for You to guide me by Your word, Your spirit, Your people.

... for my eyes to see beyond the current circumstances and wait on You for that miracle of deliverance only You can bring... for my voice to learn to ever praise You, in the good times and bad, even if I'm choking up inside. Help me dear Lord, help me to live to please You.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

2007: Personal Development

Whoever who came up with the term "growing pains" is a genius. I find no other phrase so concise to typify what 2007 was like for me.

I learned about thresholds: discovering how much I could cope with, and knowing when I should give up. I learned what was bottom-line important to me in friendships and relationships. I learned to appreciate those who were my true friends, and who loved me enough to tell me what I was doing right and where I was going wrong.

I had one of my dreams come true when I was sent to the Hillsong Conference in Sydney. It was one of Australia's coldest winters but it didn't dampen my heart for a second. Even now, when the "blow-wind-blow" chilly wind no longer bites my cheeks, my heart is filled with gratitude for this opportunity. Singing along with Steven Curtis Chapman was a joy, watching Brooke Fraser for the first time was inspiring, and seeing 20,000 people lifting up their hands and praising God as one voice was truly truly truly something to remember for the rest of my life.

I learned about blessing people, and about praising God for the little and big things in my life; the dewdrops and the rainbows. I learned about participating in His wonderful works of art; creating music that would enable others to see Him a little bit clearer in their lives. I learned about perfection, and how, in many ways, I was not. And I learned, from the Master Forgiver, how to extend grace.

Turning a quarter of a century old certainly had some effect on making me reflect how much I'd achieved; not just in my 25 years, but more specifically in my 5 years in the working world. Did I have much to show? What did I want to show, anyhow? Material gain? You know me better than that.

Growing pains indeed. My Lord saw every tear I shed when I was upset, hurt, misunderstood. He heard my every word; pained, harsh, whispered in silent anguish. But it was all good. I grew up. I well and truly grew up. May I never forget these lessons.

You who stood by me every day of last year, I thank you. You who stopped to sit beside me and gather my tears, my deepest gratitude. I will always cherish all we've shared.

Jesus, please walk with me into 2008, that I may do as You will, walk as You lead, and love as You would love. Thank You for all that You are to me.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

The Liberated Woman Speaks

From now on I will live my life to the fullest,
Laugh my heartiest,
Choose to love whoever I choose.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Such A High Calling, Lord

Why does Your commandment have a responsibility to You and to others?
Why is loving others so difficult?
Why should I extend forgiveness 49 times? Okay Lord, I understand, You mean it to be more than that. But I've a problem with forgiving the same person even 10 times.
A high calling, Lord... Such a high calling.

How could You ignore it, Lord, when people kicked and spat at You?
How could You remain silent amidst the jeers?
How could You die for a people who didn't love You back?
A high calling, Lord... Such a high calling.

Why can't I be like You Lord?
How can I take things calmly when others are mean to me without reason?
Why can't I just learn to forgive and forget? Oh I almost forgot. I am woman, after all.
Still, a high calling, Lord... Such a high calling.

I need You Lord. I need You to pull me up to fulfil the high calling.

Happy new year, Julia. May the rest of the 364 days in 2008 be happier than this.