A part of me died....

... It feels that way, at least.

Now, before you start asking funny questions, I'd better tell you the whole story.

This morning my phone drowned in a mug of water beside my bed.

The phone slipped through my (butter)fingers as I picked it up. It then proceeded to drop - quite neatly - into the mug of water with a soft *splosh*. It took me only a micro-second for the realisation to hit me... I frantically got the phone out, and dried it as best i could with my towel.... but to no avail. By then, I could see the phone screen go all deathly-white (I kid you not), with water creeping all across it... the word "nokia" fading, fading, fading....

In that instant, all I could think about was: "What do I have in that phone that is precious to me?" ... Answer: A lot.

I can hear the comments now: "C'mon gurl, it's only a phone, a material thing that is replaceable."... Nope. To me it ain't.

It's not so much the phone numbers - I think a lot of them are stored in my sim card anyway. It's more of the other stuff that my swankier phone allowed me to have... Like pictures taken that can never be replaced, capturing moments that would possibly never be recreated again, and now can only be stored and relived in the crevices of my mind. Like smses (a few hundred in my inbox alone) conveying to me precious thoughts and words of encouragement from family and friends, both near and far. And songs that had soothed me time and again; been the balm to my swirling emotions.

Those who know me well also know that I am terribly phone-bound. Can't go anywhere without it. It's my lifeline to my network of friends, family, even clients. Come to think of it, I can live without the Internet for days, but not my phone. So losing it in such a careless, flippant manner is just... plain... stupid.

*sigh* So now how?

At this point in time, my phone is in the clinic, and I should be able to get it back in about a week or two. Meanwhile I'm relying on my old faithful to enable me call and sms. So far it's alright.

At the back of my mind, I wonder (read: overanalyse) why this happened. Was it time for me to let go of memories I held dear? Was it to force me to realise the reality of TODAY rather than dwell on the past? Or, hah, was it to teach me to finish drinking my mug of water every night before I went to bed?

I don't know. I just don't know. Memories can't be erased this easily. Some pictures will always be in my head, and heart. But I guess it is the first step... To what, I'm not sure.

1% Inspiration, 99% Perspiration...

A bunch of us opted to attend a songwriting workshop last Saturday. As preparation, we were to write approximately 2 songs per person. No sweat, we figured. We write stuff everyday, (it's also a major part of my job), so 2 songs should be like eating slices of secret recipe banana chocolate. Just structure them (the words, not cake slices) into song formats and voila~!

There was just one teeny-weeny problem. I needed inspiration.

Found none. For days. Mind was either blank, too exhausted, or simply undecided on which message to convey. Yet I couldn't write for the sake of writing... My whole being just would not allow it.

Days passed. Fellow songwriters shared their jubilation when they completed one, then 2 songs. I was quite impressed, and really liked their ideas. And felt layer after layer of pressure mounting on my heart, clouding my brain. "Where's your song, Jules? What is your heartsong?"

... Slowly, surely, somewhat surprisingly, they began to emerge from the shadows.

The first kinda 'dropped in' while I was driving back to my condo after our first "share-a-song" session. The result? "Bila," - lyrics in the post just before this. I myself was a little incredulous when the words came tumbling out in Malay. "Lagu Melayu? Biar betul!" ... But it worked. It was my heart's cry. I knew it had to start off sounding melancholic, then build up in pitch and volume as a declaration of praise. Friends have even suggested their preferred Malay singers to sing this one. Haha, don't I wish. *small smile* So, one down. *pat pat*

... After that, dry. Alamak. How ah? *panic panic*

Friday, (day before workshop), 3 p.m. I was running about in the office when a line popped in my head: "I'm unworthy to be in Your presence, Lord." It stopped me short. I HAD to write it down. In the midst of my business I think I could only come up with 4 lines, and an incomplete chorus. I had no idea what the song should sound like, and so was quite prepared to shelve this one for another time.

Little did I know that 12 hours later, at 3 a.m., in Hotel Shalom-YY, "Unworthy" would be a complete, moderately-fast number. I have to credit WLern and fellow witnesses Sarah, Phylli and WLee for this one! Not forgetting our gracious hosts for creating a cosy and conducive environment!! *big grins and mad applause all around!!*

So there you go, 2 songs done in time for the workshop. *phew*

Ps Wah Lok was right. It's more perspiration than inspiration. God just needs to touch you, just once - *plink* - and then the rest is a labour of love.

But, oh, what joyful trouble indeed.

Bila...

Bila… aku seorang diri
Ku pilu di hati
Engkau yang muncul di sisi

Bila… ku tak berdaya lagi
Rempuh hidup ini
Tuhan, Kau yang sedia berkati

Biarpun aku lemah
Kau tetap berkuasa
Kau sayangi diri ini
Kasih tak terhingga

Ku sembahMu Tuhan Yesus
Ku puji namaMu
Kerna tiada yang sepertiMu
Tuhan peganglah hati ini
Di tapak tanganMu
Hidupku hanya... untukMu

Bila… ku berasa gementar
Akan masa depan
Tuhan, Kau yang meyakinkan

Bila… mataku hanya sedar
Kan serba halangan
Tuhan, Kau berikan kemenangan

Biarpun ombak melanda
Ku tetap pandang
Kepada Yang Maha Esa
Penyayang jiwa

Ku sembahMu Tuhan Yesus
Ku puji namaMu
Kerna tiada yang sepertiMu
Tuhan peganglah hati ini
Di tapak tanganMu
Hidupku hanya... untukMu

English translation:
When I am alone and sad in my heart, You appear by my side
When I have not the strength to go through this life,
God You are ready to bless
Even though I am weak, You are still strong
You love me with an unending love

I worship You Lord Jesus, I praise Your name, For there is none like You
Dear God, hold my heart in the palm of Your hand... My life is only for You

When I worry about the future, God, You grant me confidence
When my eyes can only see the obstacles, God, grant me victory
Even when the waves crash over me,
I will keep my eyes on The Almighty One, the Lover of my soul

I Care

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen

I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here

- Part of Steven Curtis Chapman's "I Will Be Here" -

I believe friendships are tested in 3 ways: time, distance and differences.

I may not be there to care for you all the time, but you can bet I will try my best, whichever way I can. Peer into my heart and know that I want nothing but the best for you, whether or not I am part of the picture.

I'm here. Just wanted you to know that.

Make me smile, won't you...

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What am i THINKING????

Well. I've finally succumbed to the blogging fad. Will it last? One way to find out. And why LiveWire, you may ask? Here's a definition, from the kind folks at dictionary.com:

1) A wire carrying electric current.
2) A vivacious, alert, or energetic person.

(If you're still asking why, .... you obviously don't know me very well~!)

... But i guess the blogname is something that i try to be, most of the time. Be warned though, I sometimes display traces of the other extreme... a different kind of energy that has the potential to be destructive, if i am not careful. Of course I will try very very hard to be sane, at least when i'm posting stuff here!! :)

Bear with me.... And here we go on this journey~!! Whee~!!