Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Drugged, Dragged but not Drowned

Never shot up on any drug before, but it sure feels like some parts of my life are sedated and moving in slow-mo.

Take today, for instance. When an unreasonable client began to put things in my mouth and implied that I was stupid and irresponsible, I did not rant, rave or even let out a whimper. I didn't say anything to my superior until he saw the email for himself and whistled in amazement over the audacity of it all. I then proceeded to reply the email in the nicest manner possible. I began with, "Hi, Nice to hear from you so early in the morning." And I sent it off to my superior for approval, since he's forever telling me to not be so hot-headed. With a few minor tweaks, it was sent off to the offending woman.

I was really calm. I had not shouted, as I would have in the past. I just smiled my way through. I must say it was rather exemplary, outwardly. In my head, I was thinking about how to go about extracting someone's internal organs with a blunt spoon.

Maybe I'm doing this the wrong way. But I have to be honest. She was being truly offensive, and what she said and implied was totally unfair and uncalled-for. You wouldn't blame me for writing an email that implied that she was stupid and unreasonable (I think the message got thru even with the flowery language and smileys) but these are minor things to solve and we'll move on to work together to get the best job done. Oh, have I said that she was new and I'd never met her in person but she sickens me already because she's one of THOSE types of people who insist on copying ALL their superiors in emails just to show that they're doing their work? They NEVER call because it's intangible, and every tiniest detail and complaint is via email for all to see!

Oh PUH-LEEZ. Lay off the drama already. If you're really THAT experienced a manager, you wouldn't need to stoop so low to get your recognition. I'm already a MUCH bigger person than you are, and I'm only the Senior CON.

What happened next, you ask?

1) Her own colleagues tried to extricate her from the situation she created via her own stupidity. Her boss wrote to my boss expressing concern over the flurry of emails. Another manager in another dept (also involved in the same project) wrote me to "plead" teamwork to get the job done, echoing my email - to which I told her, sure, we'll move on. I also called this other manager and told her that I meant no harm - and she understood. She also implied that this was a huge misunderstanding.

2) My boss asked for an audit trail of communications - and I thank God I've kept to the folder system so that I could see what action each person took. I gave him the entire chronology of events from 20 August to 29 September - and even from there it was plain to see that at some point, the client was not only unreasonable, but also LYING through her teeth. Gosh. The email to client is sent out to explain, and of course, to apologize for the whole mess, as well as to reiterate commitment to getting the job done. I must say I feel sorry for the client for getting such a dingbat of a manager.

I felt drugged because I was too "sedated" to react to such unreasonable and questionable characters.

My name and reputation was dragged down to the dirty ground because of one person's insecurity.

But I'm sure not drowning beneath the weight of all this. I am standing up with my head held high, because I am sure I did no wrong, and at the end of the day, my work will speak for itself.

I hold a blunt spoon in my hand.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I have, I do

I have walked a long journey, so I can say how far I've come.

I have tasted bitterness, so I appreciate sweetness.

I have loved, so I do reminisce life's beautiful moments.

It's the moments together, however fleeting...

These, I do cherish and relish.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Chinese proverb

“Woman was taken out of man;
not out of his head to top him,
nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot;
but out of his side to be equal to him,
under his arm to be protected,
and near his heart to be loved.”
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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A Piece of Patriotism

About 2 weeks back, I'd observed that there weren't many of the usual signs that heralded the impending arrival of Malaysia's National Day on 31st August. You know what I'm talking about: the mini-Jalur Gemilangs on cars, the larger-than-life flags unfurled across skyscrapers in capital city KL, billboards congratulating Malaysia for all her achievements, sappy heartwarming Yasmin Ahmad-style Petronas ads...

Strange. It just didn't feel the same this year. Like, there was nothing to celebrate. And even the message from the obligatory Petronas ad didn't seem to shine through as clearly - I was left wondering, "huh?" (To be fair to the ad icon, perhaps it wasn't Yasmin's doing at all...)

Why is this? Is it because we had a huge bang for our 50th birthday last year and haven't come up with anything else more spectacular this time round?

OR, horror of horrors..., are we less patriotic now?

Maybe it was because all the nation's attention was on a rural area in the northern state that was to determine the re-entry of a prominent figure into the political scene. In the days leading to Aug 26, what amazed me wasn't so much that he garnered that much ground support, but the fact that the OTHER side had the WHOLE battalion camped and campaigning in that tiny town! Name them - they were there! Prime Minister and deputy, and various Ministers across portfolios. (Too bad International Trade guy couldn't join the fun; he was attending an ASEAN meeting in a city-state and was almost forgotten there, what with all the media attention over HERE...)

So... one man versus all of them? I thought it was one man versus one?

We all know what the outcome was. For all the confidence expressed at both camps, there could only be ONE winner. And win he did; convincingly at that.

Coming back to the question: Are Malaysians less patriotic?

I don't think so. In fact, I think the outcome of the Permatang Pauh by-elections demonstrated our TRUE patriotism - the love for country and fellow Malaysian; the desire to spur the progress of the country through righteous justice, economic empowerment and uncorrupt practices; the dream of seeing this country rise to heights it once attained - and perhaps, God willing, even higher.

Call me idealistic? Yes, I admit it is a tad ethereal. Dirt so deeply entrenched will take some time and lots of willpower and determination to uproot. But we have to start somewhere... the journey can't take the right course unless we point it thus. If it took 50 years for all these seeds to germinate, it may take 50 years to unearth it all, and 50 years to plant new seedlings. I realize that the pretty picture of a truly-prosperous Malaysia may not happen in the span of my lifetime.

Yet I will not waver from my stance, and do what I can to set things in motion. For I am not doing it for myself, but for the younger generation I see today - that THEY and THEIR CHILDREN will have a fair chance at competing in the local and international arenas, and be proud to be called a Malaysian.

It's not about anti-Government. It's just about being pro-Malaysia. THAT is PATRIOTISM.

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Monday, August 18, 2008

A Time to Grow

I'd never once imagined that the book of Esther would be so relevant in the social and political aspects in a modern world. Perhaps it was because the Sunday School version portrayed Esther's story as some sort of a Biblical fairytale - where things get rough, but in the nick of time, everything ends happy ever after.

Only now when I delve into the beautifully-crafted story do I realize that there is so much more to uncover...

... Esther epitomizes a gentle yet strong woman, who won favour of those around her by her humility and gentleness, apart from her beauty. In the course of the book, her naivete was replaced by a growing maturity - demonstrated in the careful execution of her plans, patiently laying each piece of the puzzle in place. There was no hurry; just taking it step by step; waiting on the Lord for wisdom and patience.

... God truly works in the background, and His timing is impeccably perfect. It is no coincidence that God granted Esther and Mordecai favour of the king at every opportune time, that the plans of 'vile Haman' were 11 months delayed, and that the king overruled the evil decree exactly one year after it was first dispatched. It was just God at work. Amazing.

It is comforting to know that God is working in the background even if we cannot quite see Him. At the same time it can be downright exasperating when the way forward isn't as clear as we'd like it to be... but then again that's probably because we're too impatient to wait upon Him. (I know that's my problem.)

My Lord knows my heart. Help me to see You at work in my life.

When fears arise, this world distracts, whisper aloud,
Set my heart aflame, grant me the faith, be with me always...

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