It's a musician thing

This weekend I had the privilege of watching a bunch of the most totally-gifted jazz musicians in town.

No, I'm not a raving fan who dishes out compliments freely...(my closest friends will divulge that I've got high standards, and I don't flatter)... But honestly, seeing these people do their stuff in Bangkok Jazz was like... whoa. Legendary. I kid you not.

What struck me most about the gig, though, was more than the wonderfully-complicated jazz notes throughout the night, or the high level of skill these musicians had. The thing that truly amazed me was the pure intimacy these musicians shared... with their instruments, and with each other.

There was something about the way they stood on stage; eyes closed, faces looking upward, feet tapping, bodies swaying to the rhythm... It was as if they were connected, somehow, to the instruments they were playing. In that instant, you knew that they were lost in their music, that they derived much pleasure in creating the beautiful sounds coaxed from their instruments... and that there was no other place they wanted to be at that time.

Then there was band dynamics. The gig was a reunion of sorts, having come together after many years. And the strong bonds of friendship were evident. They were smilin' a lot, chuckling when certain missteps were inadvertently produced, and having mutual respect for each other's talent, particularly during the superbly-fantastic drool-worthy solos. They had fun. And we had fun watching them have fun.

I came away, moved from what I had seen. The intimacy and closeness they shared was almost palpable. That night, I saw the clear beauty of a person's creative expression, and the sheer power of music in uniting people.

Watching them onstage made me miss that feeling. Of losing myself in the music, of playing what I feel (not as I ought), expressing through my music what words cannot fully articulate. It's an amazing experience, one where I sometimes am subdued to awed silence, and feel an immense state of satisfaction.

It's a musician thing. Oh yeah.

What's it REALLY about?

It's not about how soft my hands are, but how they can render help, give a soothing touch.

Not about how big my eyes are, but whether they choose to see the needs of others.

Not about the size of my feet, but if they are swift enough to be beside those who need someone to be with them.

Not about the chubbiness of my arms, but whether they are willing to give a hug to one who needs it.

It's not about how pouty my lips can be, but whether they choose to speak words of encouragement, share words of comfort, and evermore proclaim the wonderful works of my Master.

I distinctly remember that at 10 years old, I told God that I'd rather have inner beauty than to be physically pretty. I'm not sure why I was so convicted then (!) ... but I certainly do know that I still hold fast to that belief now. Outer beauty is fleeting, but inner beauty radiates, and shows the true value, the most beautiful character, of a person.

As we enter the new year, I hope that I'll use all I have and all I am to touch the lives of others, bring a smile to their faces, and a glow to their hearts. And I pray that God's name may be glorified. That's what it's all about.

The Teary Year

"If you think back and replay your year, and it doesn't bring you tears, either of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted."
-- John Cage, the weird lawyer in Ally McBeal who thinks he's Barry White.

(May I urge you to read the quote again, slowly? Go on. The rest of this post ain't goin' anywhere.)

Me and my best bud from high school have this tradition of sharing this quote to each other every year. Strange isn't it, that the quote, and this post, speak of crying, when I always want to be strong. But I guess, tears are a part of me (I'm woman). And part of life.

... The tears oftentime welled up in my eyes in 2006. They rolled down my cheeks when I had to break a heart, and when my own heart was broken. They made their presence felt when I felt pierced by hurtful words, careless gestures, flippant comments. Some were shed in public, while others - the ones masking the deepest pain - were confined to nooks and crannies where I hid.

... Then there were happy tears too. Like when two of my dearest friends sang so well during cdpc's 6th anniversary celebration (and did the "3-note blessed" wonderfully!). When I received forgiveness from a person I had wounded deeply. When I was touched by the prayers of others - be they in person, via chats, or thru smses... And when someone gave me a beautiful gift that I knew had been chosen especially for me.

I have said it before, and I will say it again. I have been blessed. I have been blessed. God has been good to me, been faithful to me despite my wayward ways, my mean streaks, my deliberate stubbornness. And my happiest tears have been when I realize afresh that He has NEVER left me alone, that He is ALWAYS beside me, and that He has NEVER EVER stopped loving me, forgiving me when I came to Him.

Thank You, God.

For Your love unfailing, for Your joy unfading, for Your blessings to the overflowing. For watching over me and my loved ones, for not forsaking me, for being my source of strength, inspiration, and comfort.

Thank You for this year, and for the joys and sorrows of each day. Thank You for the people You have brought into my life, and for lives You've allowed me to touch. Thank You for the unending love and support of my family, and how being at home is such a balm to me. Thank You too for cdpc, for the joy of serving You and expressing my worship to You. Thank You for the countless other blessings I'm unable to list here! (*hehe*) ...

Please guide our steps for the coming year, Lord. I cannot go through each day without You. Keep us close to Your side, we pray...

In Jesus' name, Amen.

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I don't know about tomorrow. I just live from day to day. I don't borrow from its sunshine, for its skies may turn to grey. I don't worry o'er the future for I know what Jesus said. And today I'll walk beside Him, for He knows what is ahead...

I don't know about tomorrow. It may bring me poverty. But the One who holds the sparrow is the One who stands by me... And the path that is my portion may be through the flame or flood... But His presence goes before me, and I'm covered in His blood.

Many things about tomorrow, I don't claim to understand.
But I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand.
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The most wonderful time of the year...

• Christmas: 25th December
• New Year: 1st January

These celebrations are only about a week apart.

Both celebrations bring hope for a new beginning.

Every new year brings with it a "out with the old, in with the new" kind of feeling. Last year's mistakes are forgotten and (hopefully) forgiven, and we all agree to start afresh.

Thing is, human forgiveness is so temporal somehow... more emotionally-driven. We may forgive today... and conveniently forget about it the next day, and it all comes back again, and there you go, one big roller-coaster...

God knew we needed forgiveness from the very start. Not the "now-I-feel-it-now-I-don't" type. Much rather, the "ONCE AND FOR ALL" kind. Something supernatural and of divine nature.

So He sent His Son Jesus Christ.

Jesus' birth was the beginning of God's plan to save mankind from its own sin and wretchedness. By believing in Him - first in His birth and then His death on the cross, we have hope for a new life... here on earth, and eternally with our Heavenly Father. That's why we celebrate Christmas with so much joy... so much gratitude.

Thank You, God, for the very first Christmas; for every Christmas.
Thank You, God, for hope everlasting in You.
To You be all power, honour, and glory, forever and ever.
Amen.

Where are You, Lord?

"... There may be times when you and I can't feel the love of God. But there need never be a time when we doubt it. We need only look to Calvary, and remember why Jesus died."
~ Lawrence O.Richards~

In fact, love is the very reason Jesus was born in the first place.

Funny how my own song is speaking to me and making me cry.

"Bila ku tak berdaya lagi rempuh hidup ini... Tuhan, Kau yang sedia berkati."

In my weakness, You are made strong, my God.