Bulimia makes sense?

Suddenly saw the logic of bulimia.

You want to eat, you won't allow yourself to eat. One day your resolve dies. You eat, you feel guilty about eating, you wish you didn't eat.

So you puke.

That way, you still get to taste the food, but don't have to suffer the calories from it.

It's twisted logic, I know.

Which is why I think that eating disorders are really psychological in nature. It's the voices in your head telling you that eating is bad/sinful because you'll get fat/ugly. It's the voices of the people around you (often the most well-meaning ones) that you shouldn't be eating so much for your own good. Twisted logic then selectively hears and translates 'shouldn't eat so much' to 'shouldn't eat'.

It's scary to understand with clarity, without meaning to. If you are in this situation, my heart goes out to you.

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Against The Wind

Long overdue post, dated 11 October 2010

When the stormy winds threaten to blow me apart

When I have to focus my every fibre

To hang on to my every thread of sanity

I look to the budding sapling, enclosed, fragile, with lots more in store

I gotta stay strong

Here I stand, able to hold my own

Against the wind.

Frustrations & Solitude

My car radiator decided to act up just as I was about to meet 2 friends for a enjoyable catch-up session; resulting in me wasting my time driving back and forth; and my sis not wanting to stay in my place because we needed to cool down.

And I had fought SO hard for a free weekend to get back some semblance of a life.

To say I was frustrated didn't quite cut it; I was literally stewing and if I had some kind of ailment I may have foamed at the mouth. The tears that came were the only things that betrayed me.

Yet when I went back I realized that it was perhaps good to have some time of quietness. So I lunched, read, looked out the window, napped. And when my cousin called for dinner, I was refreshed once again.

Sometimes we fill our lives with so many things that we forget to take time out and refocus.

Going to church today was pretty cool because I managed to greet people at the door (most of the times when we're on duty, I have clashing slots on the worship team). And being with our cellobots - laughing, hugging, sharing - were a soothing balm over my heart. I'm grateful, so grateful, for this journey we share.

Rev Wong preached on the Beautitudes in the book of Ecclesiastes, about how there was a time for everything. Life is like that - you have joy and sorrow complementing each other; love and hate; war and peace.

If you have not tasted bitterness, how then would you appreciate the sweet?

God is all-wise; He knows that we tend to learn the hard way. My weekend was peppered with twin combinations of frustrations and much-needed solitude. Now I am refreshed, ready. And on my knees more than ever when I contemplate the week ahead.

Can't do anything without You, God. You are my strength unlike any other.

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Do We Really Care?

It has been put to me that people in our community don't care anymore. More specifically, it's people in the CHURCH community.

Is this true?

Because if it is, I think the audacity of its occurrence challenges the very grain of what Christ's message - the one who exhorts us to "love your neighbour as yourself" and said that "greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

How can we profess to be willing to lay down our lives when we close our hearts? We don't even raise our hands in greeting!

I argued that it can't be true. That the statement was maybe a portion - a very shameful portion - in the community of Christ-followers.

Or is it?

When was the last time you asked, "How are you?" and stayed to hear the answer, sticking around to allow the other to pour out the grievances of the week?

When loved ones of your friends and acquaintances pass away, do you drop a note to see how you can help? Do you express your condolences? Even on an FB wall?

When you go out a group do you bother waiting for EVERYONE and include ANYONE who might be seeking acceptance? Do you offer little conveniences like sending someone home or running to the grocery store for a bit?

When a mum is exhausted do you offer to watch the kid, even if it's for 10 minutes?

When a kid goes overseas do you offer to pray and keep in touch and make crazy jokes about the things he/she's gonna do there? Do you even say goodbye?

When your leader is tied up by the many things in his sphere... do you offer to do the one task where you can help?

When someone's sick, dying, or dead - do you visit? Send flowers and balloons? Bring food? Cry?

When someone starts a first day at work or school, or is collecting results, do you text an encouragement?

When someone has a celebration - a birthday, a new home, a baby, anything at all - do you participate? Is that not a way of saying, "I care, therefore I want to share your joy?"

When someone has been away for so long, do you indicate that he/she is missed? How? Telepathy?

I, for one, REFUSE to believe that we do not care anymore. I REFUSE to believe that we are people too sucked into our own lives to care for others.

But I'm scared to find out that it is true. It would be truly ironic if we profess to want to do GREATER THINGS in the community OUTSIDE the church if we can't seem to reach out to the people WITHIN.

I will think about this tonight. I hope, I really hope, I can prove the statement wrong.

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It's been several months now...

... Till I forgot my password for this blog.

Oerr. Panic panic.

Taking the well-dispensed advice of my ex-worship team leader, I slept over it.

Tried again next morning.

Tada! Am here.

Lesson learnt: Blog regularly.

Sure thing! Till later.

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