You want to eat, you won't allow yourself to eat. One day your resolve dies. You eat, you feel guilty about eating, you wish you didn't eat.
So you puke.
That way, you still get to taste the food, but don't have to suffer the calories from it.
It's twisted logic, I know.
Which is why I think that eating disorders are really psychological in nature. It's the voices in your head telling you that eating is bad/sinful because you'll get fat/ugly. It's the voices of the people around you (often the most well-meaning ones) that you shouldn't be eating so much for your own good. Twisted logic then selectively hears and translates 'shouldn't eat so much' to 'shouldn't eat'.
It's scary to understand with clarity, without meaning to. If you are in this situation, my heart goes out to you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
